i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
