i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Randomize
