dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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