my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
