we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
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