just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Randomize
