Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Randomize
