Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Randomize
