my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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