I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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