Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
