Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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