Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize