Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
