I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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