Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
