honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize