my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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