peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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