I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize