Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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