maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
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