My Higher Power is John Stamos
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
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Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
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