The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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