Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
