Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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