im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Randomize
