There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Randomize
