Sponge bath it is.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
