I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
