omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
