The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
