Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
You're a waste of cheezeits
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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