are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
People in love make me want to vomit
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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