i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
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