there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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