I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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