Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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