If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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