dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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