I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
