plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
