Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
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i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
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Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
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