I must be too annoying 4 u.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
