Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
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just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
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All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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