I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Randomize
