Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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