I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
