I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
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