Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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