I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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