Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
