is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
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