I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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