i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
