come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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