I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Randomize