does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
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